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Twin Flames

Twin Flames: What Are They Really?

A reader emailed me and asked if I had any thoughts on Twin Flames. It turns out I do. I asked her if she had any specific questions and she sent me this:

  1. What is a twin flame? I find a lot of differing definitions of what a twin flame is.
  2. Are twin flames on and off the planet? Said another way, could you have a twin flame that is not currently on earth?
  3. Does everyone get a chance to meet their twin flame? Even if they aren’t open to having a relationship with that person?
  4. Are twin flames similar in age as their counterparts?
  5. How do you know you are in a twin flame relationship?

I started to write a blog post but got stuck trying to make it appealing to everyone. I sat on it for over a week and just decided to write her back directly. It was much easier to formulate my thoughts that way.

We both agreed that it would be helpful to share my response even though it’s not a typical blog post. Here it is:

What is a Twin Flame?

Before I get into my definition, let’s ask ChatGPT:

A twin flame is a spiritual concept that refers to a unique and deep connection between two individuals. It is often described as a soul connection that goes beyond typical romantic or platonic relationships. The concept of twin flames suggests that each person has a counterpart, often referred to as their “twin flame,” with whom they share a special and profound bond.

Twin flames are believed to be two halves of the same soul that were split into two separate bodies at the beginning of time. They are said to mirror each other in many ways, both emotionally and spiritually. The connection between twin flames is often characterized by intense attraction, a sense of completeness when together, and a feeling of deep understanding and empathy for each other.

It’s important to note that the concept of twin flames is largely rooted in spiritual and metaphysical beliefs, and it’s not universally accepted or understood in mainstream psychology or science. Different spiritual traditions and belief systems may have varying interpretations of what twin flames are and how they function in people’s lives.

Some people find comfort and meaning in the idea of twin flames as a way to explain intense and unique connections they experience with certain individuals. However, it’s also worth approaching this concept with a critical perspective and considering a variety of viewpoints before fully embracing it as a guiding principle in your life.

– ChatGPT

Not a bad description. So now that that’s out of the way, what’s my take?

My Take:

From my experience. the most common definition I find is that there’s another person with the same soul as you on the planet somewhere. They are “literally your other half” as if your soul has been split into two before coming to Earth, and you need to find it and get into a romantic relationship with this person. I find it problematic when viewed literally. The idea that any one human on the planet is your twin flame is a recipe for trouble.

I find that the twin flame idea is best understood as a metaphor, or an internal process of reuniting with “the one” you’ve REALLY been looking for this whole time, which is YOU. Your true self, your true heart, your higher self, your divine counterpart, your soul, etc. Perhaps you could say your feminine to your masculine, or vice versa.

Are twin flames on or off planet?

Again, I think the idea that there’s a single person “out there” that’s your true love, or your literal “other half” is already problematic when viewed as one out of 8 billion people on the planet. Expanding that to include life outside of Earth seems to make it worse, no? But I understand many people “feel” a connection to some sort of angelic or ET being that they access through their imagination or consciousness; and isn’t a literal person on Earth. They could believe this entity is their twin flame, or maybe this entity claims they are.

But IMO how do we know twin flames are even a thing? Do we really know if our soul was split into two halves long ago, and we’re to reunite in this life time? If so, how does the splitting process happen and why?

The most common thing that we see in twin flame communities are people looking for love, often trying to “manifest” a specific person or lover into their life. They’re fed up with “normal” relationships and want a higher vibe relationship with a spiritual component and to feel like they’ve found “the one.” What I see is a lot of projection and dysfunctional behavior. But some people understand this and are just looking for a relationship that offers deep spiritual connection and growth for both partners.

Does everyone get a chance to meet their twin flame, even if they aren’t open to having a relationship with that person?

Possibly, but the ambiguity and uncertainty of “Do I get to meet my twin flame in this lifetime?” seems to make the person neurotic or always seeking for something “out there” butIMO the best way to look at it as an internal process. Perhaps other people IRL can be catalysts or mirrors to your own growth, but it seems limiting to declare one person your true twin. I’ve had women tell me I was their twin flame on dates before, and it couldn’t have been more off putting. They are seeing through a fantasy lens of projection. I once thought a girl I was infatuated with was my twin, I even had dreams about it, but she didn’t want a relationship with me. In fact, she told me that who I really was seeking was ME. And that was a harsh truth that really set me free from trying to find anyone “out there” to be my perfect counterpart. Instead I worked to become my own twin flame.

Are twin flames similar in age as their counterparts?

Maybe, but I wouldn’t take this literally. You could meet someone of any age and feel like you’ve known them forever, shared past lives, or they’re your twin or soulmate. Every person could have special meaning for you. It’s up to you to decide how that person fits into your life. You could quite literally have insights that say this person is your twin, but because we don’t know if this concept is literally true it’s only going to be a descriptor of certain types of relationship dynamics that are common in seekers of this type of relationship. They want a partner to just “get them” to receive unconditional love, they want transcendent sexual experiences, they want a connection to the divine, they want to eliminate suffering and loneliness. They want meaning and purpose in life and the idea of meeting your twin flame seems like it will bring those things.

How do you know you are in a twin flame relationship?

I’ve had visions when I met my current partner that I was her,  like I suddenly felt like we were the same being in different bodies. I met her after being into the twin flame concept for a couple years and looking for a love relationship with a spiritual component. It’s an interesting idea to think maybe we are the same soul in different bodies, but it’s often not helpful in day to day interactions. In fact, in some moments in meditation or on psychedelics, I’ve felt that I am everyone I’ve ever met, that everyone is me, and I am everyone. We are all the same being, just in different forms and expressions. To say that any one person is your twin flame, well that seems kind of limiting now doesn’t it.

So to sum up, I believe that the twin flame concept is best understood as an inner process. This article on Christos-Sophia is interesting and describes an inner union of divine masculine and feminine. In my personal experience, there is truth to it, but that site has a lot of other new age “Law of One” content that I don’t understand or resonate with. So take it with a grain of salt.

There’s also some good podcasts on the toxic cult dynamics within the twin flame communities online that you might be interested in. Another thing of note, there’s a whole lot of grifters and charlatans and “twin flame coaches” out there too. They advertise an idealized relationship that’s better than the one you’re currently in, you just gotta do XYZ or improve or whatever in order to get this aspirational thing. Just use your discernment on what is good for you or not.

So those are my thoughts on it. I hope that was helpful!

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