Success, Depression, and Awakening
I’ve been an artist with big dreams ever since I was a kid. I wanted to grow up and make movies like Steven Spielberg or design video games like Mortal Kombat or Final Fantasy. I ended up going to art…
I’ve been an artist with big dreams ever since I was a kid. I wanted to grow up and make movies like Steven Spielberg or design video games like Mortal Kombat or Final Fantasy. I ended up going to art…
A couple weeks ago I was having a really bad night. It’s too personal for me to want to share publicly right now, but I needed someone to talk to. I could have talked to my wife, friends, parents, or…
Practicing mindfulness and meditation is like shining a light in the dark closet of your mind. You find things in there that have always existed but you never paid attention to. Emotions for example. As you practice paying attention inside, you begin to realize when negative emotion stirs up and you witness it. Then you notice patterns and common themes.
One theme that I've noticed is worrying about what other people think. Specifically, being liked by other people.
Besides fear, discontent is probably the most prevalent emotion we all have in common. It's a low lying dread in the back of our mind that's constantly dissatisfied with the present. We are always looking for something to change or improve. Nothing is good enough.
Just recently, as I was on vacation I noticed a dull negative emotion deep in the back of my mind; even as I tried to remain present and enjoy nature and quiet time with my wife. Everything was just as I wanted it, but there was a lagging worry or anxiety I couldn't put my finger on. Interesting.
A while back I was having a conversation with a friend of mine Danielle Harper. We were discussing a lot of thing things that affect us as entrepreneurs. One of those was money. Danielle was describing a criticism she received but…
Today marks the 46th consecutive day that I have meditated. I do it first thing in the morning. Two days ago I experienced something interesting during my session. I entered a state where I was intensely focused on my breath, completely relaxed, and my conscious thought was at a minimum. I started feeling a warm glow just under my ribcage and it felt kind of nice. I observed it expand out to my arms and legs and I noticed my breathing started to get heavier. My heart rate started getting much faster and my I found it hard to catch my breath. Soon my heart was pounding and I wasn't sure what was happening.
On days I'm not productive I feel guilty, like my time on Earth is being wasted. Do you ever get that feeling where you should be doing something productive every second? Or whatever you are doing is a waste of time if it's not making progress on anything important or urgent?
Update: Waking up early for a year, here’s how my life has changed. Update 2: I wrote a full book about waking up early (pay what you want). Or you can also find it on Amazon. So you call yourself a night…
This is part three of my introductory posts on the Maker/Mistaker blog. I'm taking you on the journey of how I got out of my depressed and worried state of mind. My last post covered how I built positive habits and left off with establishing an early-morning routine. My morning routine has been the single-most important factor in my change. But there's one more important post before I get to my morning routine.
My last two posts have been about depression and setting the stage for what's to come. Let's get to something more positive, shall we?
In January I bought Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears, a book by Pema Chodron. Looking back it shows that I was seeking help and looking at spiritual advice. I was attracted to the sense of simplicity and clarity. I tried reading daily but eventually fell out of the habit. Typical me.
In February I felt like I hit rock bottom.