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Words Are Very Unnecessary (When Dealing with Anxiety)

The biggest thing that happened this week is something I really don’t want to talk about.

I decided to get new tires on my car and the cost was more than I anticipated. It triggered all my money anxieties and the doom and gloom that comes with it, and to be frank, I’m kinda tired about talking about my money anxieties.

I’m working through this stuff in a good way. Shifting into a new way of thinking, feeling, and being.

It feels so hard to communicate this though.

How do I write about this without getting too in the weeds with the details?

It’s like when a problem is bothering you and someone notices and asks what’s up. You don’t want to talk about it because it’s going to be a lot to explain.

They invite you to open up and when you start verbalizing it, they now have something to argue with or analyze. They grab onto a few of the words and start offering advice or suggestions.

“Have you thought about this? Have you thought about that?”

Yes of course I’ve thought about that. That’s what our mind does. It thinks about everything.

You go into more detail. And now you’re debating details. Now their issues are getting triggered. They’re getting defensive. So are you.

The more you talk about it, the more frustrated you both get.

This is the problem with words and communication.

Things get lost in translation.

It’s a degraded medium that can only do so much to express our inner experience. You’re limited by your own vocabulary and ability to articulate. Even if you were to perfectly explain yourself, it doesn’t always get taken the way you expect. It has to go through their own mental filters and worldviews.

But look, it’s hard being the listener too.

I think there’s a lot of pressure on us to be the perfect listener. A good friend. The best partner. To give that one piece of advice that’s going to change the other person’s life or get them on “the right track” whatever that is.

That’s a tall order.

You can be doing your best to listen, be kind, loving, and offer helpful advice. But whoops, you accidentally offended them and now they feel more misunderstood. Shit. Maybe you got distracted by something and they felt your attention drop and feel hurt. Ugh.

Now this is triggering your anxieties about not being a good enough partner. You bring this into the conversation and before you know it, you’re both on the verge of a fight or meltdown.

Usually there’s not a breakthrough in the conversation until we get out of the metal headspace and into our heartspace. Often after we’ve exhausted our mental faculties and have nothing left to say we can surrender and put down our swords and return to love again.

There’s always subtext behind the words. A predominant feeling, emotion, or state of being. Our words are our logical minds way of articulating these feelings – a description or story about them. Usually received by another logical mind with the ability to understand and translate into understanding. But we’re not just logical mind machines.

A real person can read between the lines and sense your feelings, body language, and general vibe.

With most “problems” we have, we can say a lot of words about it, but underneath, we’re feeling some form of anxiety. Underneath that, something deeper like existential fear, loneliness, or grief.

Sometimes words are a great way to express those feelings. Sometimes that’s all it’s meant to be. An expression of a feeling. When that feeling is validated and seen, empathized with, it often has a much more effective way at resolving the so-called problem than debating or analyzing solutions.

The hilarious skit It’s Not About the Nail comes to mind.

Writing in detail about the exact money anxieties I was experiencing this week seem counter to where I’m headed. Toward being more relaxed, calm, content, and less serious.

Underneath all my stories is fear. Fear of falling. Fear of poverty.

But exactly is it about poverty that’s bad? It wasn’t really the lack of money, but it was the emotional neglect, violence, abuse, drugs, alcoholism, and lack of support. It was living in fear.

I don’t have any of those destructive things in my life right now. In fact, I have the opposite. I have an abundance of love, support, and healthy relationships. I have so much. Way more than I really need.

I was reading Tim Grime’s book “The Law of Attraction Simplified” and his chapter on Food, Shelter, and Clothing really spoke to me. He put into perspective what we actually need vs what we think we need to live a good life.

It helped me realize most of the stuff I think I want are just cosmetic improvements to what’s already sufficient. That nothing is really a big deal. And the most important thing I can do is just relax.

Unicole Unicron touches on this in her article Where Does Money Come From, “True abundance is simply having a relaxed nervous system.” This is the wavelength I’m on. Relax more. Try less.

Finally, I’ll leave you with this song “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode. Cara shared it with me this morning after talking about the subject of this newsletter.

“Words are very unnecessary. They can only do harm” – very timely I’d say!

That is all for now. Have a good week!

✌️

Jeff

Jeff Finley
Jeff Finley

Jeff is a graphic artist, designer, musician, writer, and mystic with a passion for truth and personal growth. He's the author of Wake Up, Maker/Mistaker, and Thread's Not Dead, as well as the creator of Starseed Supply Co. Learn more about him here.

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5 Comments

  1. Hi, I came across this blog just now through your profile on the Veil of Reality forum (it seems you last posted there 2 and a half years ago; I tend to go on these internet tangents). Your blog is precisely the kind of blog I envision myself coming up with when I really get into the swing of things. From what I can tell, you’ve traversed a lot of psychological territory that I’ll end up eventually having to traverse myself. Writing this to let you know that from the perspective of someone who spent the past 10 minutes skimming through various articles you’ve written, there’s a lot of immediate inspiration and comfort that I am not alone in going through what I’m going to end up going through.

    • Hey Javier, glad to hear it. Welcome to my blog and I appreciate the kind words. Wow yeah it was a few years ago I posted on their forums. If I recall correctly, they didn’t really like my comments much lol, so I left. Thanks for stopping by and if I can help you on your journey don’t hesitate to reach out.

      • Finding a tribe that you fully identify with is practically impossible in this world. Oftentimes there’s always something about yourself that doesn’t go along with what any particular group is going for. And if you earnestly offer your own takes, you’re inevitably going to be ganged up on.

        If you had to start life over from my age (I turned 29 last month), what would you change about the trajectory you were on?

        • It’s hard to say anything I would change because everything I went through got me to where I am today, with my current awareness. If I had to go back in time and be a wise mentor to myself at that age, I would be that strong advocate for him that would alleviate his constant self doubt and worry about what others might think of him.

          When I was 29 I was probably at the peak of my career. I would inevitably get burned out and withdraw from the rat race to focus on a path of truth, love, and freedom. And I wouldn’t change that choice at all. I could have just stayed at my current job for the perceived security it provided, and maybe work it out with people or take anxiety meds. But because I didn’t, I got to know myself in the most profound ways and developed a spiritual connection that I never even knew could exist.

          At that time, I had probably the most adoration and fame and money in my life. On top of the world as you can say. I thought my career would go on this upward trajectory forever, but my higher self kept nudging me in subtle ways that felt like “this can’t be all there is to life” or “why does the world seem so fake?”

          So I’m really glad I followed that thread that led me here today. So I hope my 50 or 60 year old self would give me the same advice and encouragement today at 41. To trust myself and have faith in my heart’s path. To follow my curiosity and joy and not work so hard. To try less. Forget about the pressures of the external world and be your own source of love and approval and power.

          Hope that was helpful

          • It definitely was helpful, thank you very much for your thoughtful reply. Interestingly enough, I’m very much at the ‘bottom’ of my career/financial trajectory as of now. But I really resonate with your experience of fame and money being overrated.

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