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I’ve been so fascinated with physical attraction these days. You know, chemistry, sparks, crushes, and butterflies. That sorta thing.

Why do I feel that with one woman I’d consider “cute” but not with one I’d consider “hot.” I could even feel tingly after just a single picture and never hearing her voice or meeting her in person to experience her personality. Sometimes when I feel this way the relationship isn’t actually very satisfying. I find myself having a hard time being myself around them or sensing a “chasing” energy in me where I want their approval or reciprocal feelings. I might feel like I overly worried about what I say or how I’m coming across. Walking on eggshells. I might feel a deep longing, or my sexual attraction is really high.

But on the other hand, there are some women I have a beautiful, peaceful, and inspiring relationship where I don’t have those romantic “crushy” feelings for. I actually feel more true to myself and at ease in a lot of ways. But the sexual attraction isn’t as high. The relationship is often a lot healthier for both people too as it’s not full of drama, self doubt, etc. The only thing is that I sometimes “wish” that my sexual attraction was higher! I wish I was more turned on naturally but I’m not.

Here’s my intuitive and not-researched, non scientific reasoning.

The magnetic attraction that feels a lot like “romance” or a crush is the type of energy needed to pull two human beings together for a specific purpose or life lesson. To trigger each other and bring our awareness to parts of ourselves that have splintered off or suppressed throughout our lives due to trauma or bad experiences. You might be living out old patterns that occurred in your childhood, like trying to receive love from an unavailable mother or father figure. Why else do you stick around with people that hurt you? Because the attraction or the bond is so high. If it wasn’t there, we’d easily walk away from these relationships.

I meet women all the time who are surrounded by “good men” but find themselves feeling romantically attracted to bad men or “boys” that they need to parent or fix or chase. They admit that it’s a fucked up dynamic, and they wish they felt the chemistry with their platonic male friends. The sexual attraction works on a polarity of masculine and feminine energy. And perhaps their “good guy” friends are just too much like them to be creating that spark. Yet they get along great for that same reason.

But I still think attraction is weird! Why would just a photo of a girl start to stir up butterflies and chemistry? But another photo of an equally attractive girl just stir up sexual energy but not butterflies? Or another might be objectively hot, but not stir up any feelings?

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Jeff Finley
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