{"id":12654636733,"date":"2024-02-23T19:12:58","date_gmt":"2024-02-24T00:12:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jefffinley.org\/?p=12654636733"},"modified":"2024-02-24T14:14:21","modified_gmt":"2024-02-24T19:14:21","slug":"the-anxious-generation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jefffinley.org\/the-anxious-generation\/","title":{"rendered":"The Anxious Generation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Today I want to give somewhat of a thought digest. Inspired by one of my favorite “content creators” (shudder), \u200bKatherine Dee\u200b<\/a>. Also known as \u200bDefault Friend\u200b<\/a> online.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I love about her writing is that she’s so curious and she explores \u200bfringe internet subcultures\u200b<\/a> with an open mind and heart. Like a digital anthropologist. Someone once called me<\/em> that (Jana, I think it was you) because I was telling her about my fascination with \u200bHikikomori\u200b<\/a>, a Japanese phenomena of “total withdrawal from society and seeking extreme degrees of social isolation and confinement.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In January 2019, I saw a documentary about it on YouTube. I can’t find the link to it, but I found my journal entry at the time:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I feel guided and inspired to learn about all these variations of lonely, isolated, solitude, withdrawn men. Just like me a little bit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am getting some healing. Some perspective. Some new insights. Mostly that I\u2019m not alone and I\u2019m not as bad. And having compassion for these people because I know what it\u2019s like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The clash of work and play. Inner child stuff. Cuteness or youth obsession in a culture where adults grow up and work too fast and there is too much pressure to work and no focus on joy or love or ease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fascinating that many of these men have absent, overworked, and unhappy, disconnected, or abusive fathers. And resentful mothers who don\u2019t understand their kid being withdrawn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Video games and computers help these kids stay connected authentically based on their interests. They see no point to the hustle and bustle or rat race especially when their own father was a poor example. Likely alcoholic and withdrawn into work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is stuff here about the lost inner child. Withdrawing into the realm of feelings and inner space. I don\u2019t know, but this is a phase I\u2019m going through for now. I\u2019m learning.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I just did a YouTube search on Hikikomori and one of the top results was a video essay posted just three months ago. It was titled \u200bWe’re All Becoming Hikikomori\u200b<\/a>. I haven’t watched it yet, but I can imagine that it’s going to say how things have only gotten worse since 2019. Something about living in late-stage capitalism and suffering from existential anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Existential anxiety is a form of anxiety that arises from thinking about existence and the self<\/strong>. A person may have feelings of insecurity, dread, isolation, and loneliness. People may also experience a sense of emptiness or pointlessness<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It made me wonder, was I always this way? If not, when did things start to shift?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Was I always<\/em> this anxious?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I was going through a bunch of mp3s from my old music project BOXOMYLK. I’m planning to upload them to Bandcamp and streaming platforms so that my whole music catalog is accessible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But in doing so, it brought back memories of my life back in 2000-2005 when I was making most of this music. I don’t remember being anxious, at all<\/em>. Is this an example of selective amnesia, remembering only the positive times and forgetting the bad?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I gave it more thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anxiety was definitely not a theme in my life back then.<\/strong> I don’t think I even used that word. I may have been nervous about life events, such as finishing school projects in college, graduation, or applying for jobs in the “real world.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was going to art school full time, driving 90 minutes back home to work at McDonald’s on the weekend and see my girlfriend, who ended up cheating on me anyway. Sigh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yeah that hurt. I was stressed about all of that, but that’s actual real life stuff. Not abstract existential anxiety or a sense of listlessness. Not a barrage of intrusive thoughts or hypersensitivity to other’s thoughts. Not a low-level unease that simmered just beneath the surface.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So what changed?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Back then, I had the following:<\/p>\n\n\n\n